Frustration at Work

When I started the gift-wrapping job 2 years ago I was excited and at ease.  The wage was fine, enough to pay bills and then some.

Now the hourly wage in the country has grown but yet this is a company where you can only dream of a raise. By now it’s tangible. The fact I tour guide, renovate and do portrait commissions on the side which all pay nearly double the hourly wage, I can’t help but to feel like I’m wasting my time gift-wrapping. Especially now that work demands more of my attention during the holidays.

It was about the start of school, when my hours shortened, that it became really tangible and my motivation dropped significantly. I just had come from a summer full of tour guiding and generous tips, energy to spare. 

Perhaps it’s the frustration with school that I don’t have spare energy as I’d have from just work or just school. I plan things out and I do have time. It’s the energy that I fail to always factor in.

And some may ask “Why don’t you work on those things then?” Well that’s because they are either only seasonal or not with set hours. They are not safe. I’d actually be fine with not-safe. I’ve done short-term jobs for more than 6 months and lived well enough. But then I was only thinking of myself. Now I have a partner in life and thus I need to be a bit more mature and stable. 

Last year I almost got a year-round job with guiding. I told my partner if I get the job I will focus on that, if not, then I’ll agree to go to school. And I narrowly missed the cut. 

I understand when people say once you work full-time, it’s difficult to go to school and sacrifice that few hundred from your salary. And this is the exact frustration I feel. I used to contently save up money but now I basically grit my teeth after paying bills. The job is safe but I personally don’t feel safe at all. I constantly wonder if I am actually on the road towards more stability and less impulse when I experience these culminating moments of frustration. 

All I know that keeps me afloat: Finish school.

I’ll soon quit work, go abroad for intership, come back and finish my education, hop to guiding and after a 200km hike, I’ll be ready to search/make a job as a finisher.

That’s what I must remember. 
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Cheers~

Until next time

-Ann