Stress, Motivation and Reaching out

Hello~!

It’s been a bit of time since I last posted, and I can say the beginning of the year has been mentally quite turbulent.

Sadly the year started off with a stress-induced panic attack, and I’m ever thankful for my friend for talking me through it on the phone during the middle of the night. It is the second time in my life I’ve had such a thing.

That brings me to the point of reaching out. The issue why I’ve kept the true depth of my lows under wraps was because I felt disconnected from everyone. I could function, I could rationally acknowledge that I had support from close people, but I didn’t feel it. And I saw the dismay on the few people I honestly shared this with so I didn’t want to put them through it. In this functioning but internally disconnected state I had a hard time seeing the point of living. I’ve never been suicidal, far from it, but that didn’t mean it did not make me feel very depressed. And with that panic attack all of it culminated and I finally reached out.

My school has a psychologist and even though there were 2 weeks left before the appointment, I thought through what is the most important to me this year. This year it is career. And I’ve been working on getting rid of the intimidation even to go to school, not to mention the internship I got at Munich.

I joined a Discord server that encourages self improvement and it has helped me a lot. By the time I was close to the appointment, I’ve noticed I wasn’t as disconnected and I didn’t feel an ache from merely being alive. Those are scary moments, especially to say, but they did happen.

Thus I do encourage anyone having such lows and issues to not be afraid of reaching out if you feel you are losing control. We are all here to live and experience life.

So for now my biggest frustration is simply the weight-loss struggle even if I fit the BMI criteria by now (just barely haha).

So! Have an Interesting Day and until next time!

-Ann