I spent half of my day building this Test site from scratch and the delight in completing it was great! The hunger to learn more is honestly consuming me. Still, keeping things balanced, I am taking time to rest and eat properly. Also the amount of tea consumed today has been a pot worth.
Honestly through this I am learning more about myself. And I appreciate a lot of things that in the past had me at a hostile stance. Maybe it’s a bit poetic, but hey, when is that a bad thing in my case. Spite has always been an easy motivator for me. Doing things for others to prove a point. Even if in the end it was for my own benefit. I admit to holding long silent grudges due to going through hardships even if I came out on top. And I know they weren’t deserved, that’s why they were silent and never acted upon. Moreso like an extended period of sulking as I tried to work through my own issues.
But not only time heals all wounds, so does progress. Right now I feel all that has been gruelling and difficult the last few years had been preparing me for this moment. Every frustration feels justified because lately it’s metamorphosing into self-assurance on a level I have yet to experience.
Issues with hitting a wall or facing complicated situations don’t deter me like they used to. Having faced many frustrating situations really does thicken your skin. I went more into my plans regarding software development in my last post, but still, I can’t help but to feel like an invisble door has unlocked right in front of me.
I feel potential coursing through my veins like never before, thinking about the future. I love being independent but not alone. And I want to be able to support my fiance, so he can find the courage to truly pursue his own dreams as well. This just might be the door that leads to that reality and beyond. It’s not only my own goals that motivate me, that’d feel somewhat empty and destructive.
It’s a way I’ve felt solely focusing on finances. Frustrated with having to be that patient and somewhat isolated. But still having that relentless drive as a counterweight. Now with my mind occupued by coding, it takes the edge off on finance, since my investment strategy requires a lot of waiting and is honestly “boring”. Those negative feelings don’t mean it’s not right for me, but it just left a mental gap in my plans between now and let’s say 10 years.
Apparently, what I observe from myself, it might not be so much of extroversion or my impulsive streak that has made me feel so restless. It might be the fact that I want constant mental stimuli. I either get it from people or from things that really are a challenge. This is a challenge. One that promises great rewards along the way, both tangible and not so much. The support from close people and the fact software development is a needed profession only clear my vision further! Let’s see where this drive takes us!
So yeah, to tie up my midnight ramblings, this is the elevated state I am in lately.
Have a Good night or Day!
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