It is 5AM yet again


Today’s 5AM differs a lot from last month’s early mornings. I don’t feel all too frustrated over it and have a lot of food for thought. In general, my husband is back from sea, I’ve managed to meet up with some extended family and go on a forest walk. Life is almost starting to resemble normalcy.

Of course being in the third trimester is a prevalent thing and little one is kicking away, rolling around and generally quite active. While it makes it a bit hard to sleep at times, I am well-spirited. I don’t know my glucose tolerance test results yet but some optimism has creeped in. Basically, 2 hours of every-hour blood draws after 12 hours of fasting and drinking a glucose solution. It’s definitely an experience, let’s put it at that.

So what’s keeping me mentally so high despite having constant energy crashes throughout the day? Some sort of outline for myself. I get to have maternity leave for 3 years, but after that I wish to change careers. I’ve mentioned learning programming before, but I was really in a slump for a week or so, it suddenly felt daunting and had me questioning what have I been doing these last 6 years after highschool and if I should’ve gone to a practical university field. Or why hadn’t I figured out to learn programming earlier.

It’s easy to forget I’ve spent most of my life putting myself in a strictly ‘humanitarian and fine arts’ box and viewed tech as some demonic entity to steal away ‘The Golden Days’ my parents experienced in their youth. But what to do when something is daunting? Head straight for it.

I have a Codecademy Pro subscription I’ve been learning through to get the fundamentals down. Having chosen the Web Development path, I’m about 24% through of the whole curriculum there. Yesterday after doing a solo flexbox project for practice, I researched a bit more into what goes into the whole career change process and the availability of materials and advice is astounding. It’s keeping me inspired and grounded.

I know most suggest me to take time off and just enjoy these months before the baby arrives, but honestly I want to keep a sharpness in my mind these long term goals give me. I know the first few years will definitely be dedicated 100% (or close to that) to our baby, but I’m not afraid to admit the mental insecurity I’ve been feeling along the lines of “What if I will lose my identity permanently? What if I stop dreaming?”

Right now I’m not worried about it, not anymore at least. Sometimes things can stay in the back burner for an extended time without losing their merit. Let’s see what life will bring~

With that I’ll be signing off this small update


Listening to: Pleasure – Let’s Dance

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