The Most Intense Weeks of This Year

…so far!

Hey, so I’m in the thick of a 2 week period I’ve been dreading since December. It’s still just me and RJ (and our resident cat, Poots). RJ was diagnosed with spasticity, initially we had a physiotherapy session, after which he started rolling from back to front. Next, we have 2 Mon-Fri weeks of baby massage and it barely lines up with RJ’s wake windows.

Resident Pootsman

The first day was kinda ok, at the end RJ was fussy. Second day was insanely fussy and much couldn’t happen, I felt devastated. Today is the third day and it went very well all things considered. 7 more days to go. Improvements are already visible, he holds himself better and isn’t tense when I pick him up. I stopped worrying about milestones as well.

What makes these appointments so intense and stressful are the facts that I have to use the bus with a stroller (not a lot of room), and the weather is very uncooperative. The roads are unevenly snowy and not cleaned in front of the facilty we go to and my stroller was definitely not made for rough terrain.

I used to be super anxious about the appointments themselves but today I already found myself in a comfortable setting during it. Also, my in-laws offer constant help with setting up the stroller (I live a few floors up with no elevator) and accompanying me to the hospital. My own parents work full time and have 2 underage teens who study from home (pandemic things) so their hands are understandably full.

I managed to stress eat a +0.7kg in half a week, guaranteed at least part of it is water weight. So that set my weight loss journey back a bit. I’m aware emotional eating is a mental health issue and a fiend to leave behind, I’m slowly working on it.

Before this week I cooked 3+ meals a day every day, healthy and balanced. Worked out twice a week, studied programming every day. But I burned out. It’s still hard to come to terms that I’m tapped out sooner now with taking care of RJ. Some days I only manage to go by his schedule and take two naps with him to feel rejuvinated. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Apparently I can actually.

My home, thank goodness, is relatively not messy, enough that it doesn’t bug me before relaxing. I meditate, sometimes skipping a day, but still using some mantras or breathing check-ins when my thoughts want to run away with me. The Yoga Sutras seem like a very fascinating spiritual/philosophical concept, but before that I want to finish reading Meditations and Don’t Panic. I have them as ebooks on my phone and sometimes read either before going asleep.

So this is what I do during these intense weeks where I try to calibrate RJ’s schedule to fit the daily massage appointments, I meditate, read, crochet, and have a dose of netflix as well. It’s a relatively passive feeling, compared to to bodyweight workouts and active studies. But I’ll take it. The snuggles and contact naps are something I cherish so much lately.

For now, I’ll be signing out, thanks for reading!


PS. I’ll share below my favorite mantra/mindfulness meditation.

Listening to: Joshua Canter – Om Mani Padme Hum

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