Body Dysmorphia

I’ve been well aware I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia my entire life. My weight has been up and down ever since I was 10. Nowadays it’s relatively stable due to healthier habits and learning my satiety cues. Also exercise which I love on its own. Sometimes I placate myself that I just dont see myself accurately and go on with my day. Other times I get very disappointed/insecure if I’ve put on weight and it reflects in the mirror.

I do have healthy boundaries, my BMI is right in the middle of normal range. And I feel infinitely better when I strenght train. But when I’m home for a prolonged time with minimal socialization, I have more time to ruminate on such issues.

I never understood when people told me I’m already small. Because the mirror image didn’t add up. One objective distortion is that our mirror is not full length. And also, I can’t stand very far from it, distorting my perception further. Taking photos from that position is oftentimes more irritating than it should be, making me look stockier than I really am. I rarely post any selfies but I sure love taking them. Mostly because outfits I try to put together.

So today I took a picture with my phone on a timer and standing back to be fully in it. And, looking at the photo, I realized just how wrong I perceive myself. I’m absolutely okay. Sad that it takes such an effort to see it myself. So it prompted me to pour my heart out on this issue in writing.

I’m gonna take it as easy as I can. It’s summer and I’m truly okay. I don’t have much else to say given this was something written on impulse, so I’m gonna end it here for now.

Thanks for reading.

-Ann

Listening to: W.A.S.P – I Wanna Be Somebody