Honestly I meant to write when positive stuff happened (me getting into vocational school for IT or RJ getting into the daycare we hoped he would) but it doesn’t bring me to write like good ol’ venting.
So my frustrations center mostly around motherhood yet again. I feel like society has lied to me. Maybe the feelings are intensified by RJ’s “terrible twos” because from 1-2 years old I enjoyed motherhood.
I vent to my husband, I vent to my friends but the comfort is short-lived because it still doesn’t make my problems go away. Like the increasingly incompatible school schedule that I have to work around. It’s honestly my biggest gripe cause I need to use my support system, as small as it is and organizing all that is stress in itself.
RJ refuses to eat any of the many meals during daycare, that’s an insane stressor that presses on the buttons that caused my postpartum anxiety. They say a child will never let themself go hungry, lol not this one. He won’t eat on principle if it’s not home. So my morning starts with cooking breakfast before the daycare run and trying to go get him as early as possible to get him another meal.
No one told me this could happen. No one can offer help cause you can’t just force food down if a kid doesn’t want to eat. Venting to friends and family feels useless.
I’m low on savings and as I’ve been raised an independent strong woman etc it feels like my financial ambitions, or any ambitions outside of mothering, are heavily misaligned and discouraged purely by the way our society is built up. Even though I’ve been fed my whole life that equality exists. Not once you have a child, truly. Then all those stereotypes come running to set themselves comfortably into your life and being.
I’m so upset about all the social problem in my country that get overlooked. Not just ones that concern me but every other group of people that aren’t working age or abled to do so. Most decisions seem to be for short term profit. My own polticis are increasingly on the left for these reasons and I will vote accordingly on every election.
I’m trying to do it all and it feels like I’m running against one brick walls after another. We have 25% economic inflation here, it’s honestly painful going grocery shopping and not contributing financially to the household.
Gentle parenting is currently the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done because RJ experiments stepping over every possible line multiple times a day. I know sometimes I’m still too reactive by the second half of my day but by god, I am trying my best here.
I think I got most off my chest. I’m feeling better (aka not as I’m about to blow up any second), but I’m still too frustrated to get into music suggestions or pretty cover pictures for this post at the moment. Maybe I’ll do it later.
Anyhow, thanks for reading~
Leave a Reply