So at this very moment the whole family has a virus, and a nasty fever. RJ went down for a nap (usually those last about 2 hours). I decided to finally take an application test for a software engineering internship. Welp. He woke up 30 minutes in, felt very fussy because the fever was picking up again. I could barely focus on the assignments through my own headache and fever, but this obliterated my focus entirely.
I closed the laptop with 34 minutes left on the timer and just gave up. I’m beyond frustrated. This year has not been kind to me so far.
Firstly, RJ has a speech delay and some accompanying behavioral issues. Every official step we take to help him takes such a long wait and so many frustrating conversations. The wait lists to everything are so long and the societal infrastructure on this is just broken.
Along with these and about once-a-month viruses brought home from kindergarten, I cannot for the life of me imagine just how will I be able to work? Why am I even trying to have ambitions outside of motherhood when it keeps backfiring on me so much so often.
I know it’s mostly the frustration talking but sometimes I think maybe I should just give up and take a part time retail job once he turns three. Maybe the people waiting to their 30s to have kids are in the right? Because right now with 25% local price inflation, trying to make myself a career that wouldn’t put me straight in the “relatively poor” bracket while raising a high needs toddler is fraying my nerves. It feels impossible. So I keep taking fails on the IT front, one after another.
Thanks for listening to this rant. I just needed to get it out. But for now I’m gonna go cool down and hope you have a nice day.
Leave a Reply