Of Small cases of Injustice


Time for another update on my school front.

As previously noted I’m studying interior renovation as vocational education.

Now a few words about the study process: We paint things. We fix things. We learn things.

The process and work conduct that goes into renovation is immensely precise.

Now a few words about our teacher: Her motto is “Rather get yelled by me than later at work.”

Result of this: Mild accidental misconduct generally ends with you getting yelled at full volume until it is seen you are affected. And then after, calmly shown how to fix whatever went wrong.

She emphasizes in putting us through stress situations so we would get used to them.

Last year I got by with this very well. I saw that the yelling is just her method not anything personally against me.

Given the light (or not? I don’t even know anymore, I am not clinically diagnosed) case of depressiveness I experience due to isolation (living alone as an extrovert) and recovering from the past high-stress period at work, this week everything affected me. Once I cried in the bathroom. Last day I went to visit my mum with tears of frustration on the entire way there.

I talked with my partner who is currently at sea working on a ship and he admitted that at his workplace there same things happen. Small missteps get you some good decibels of the human voice.

The thing with this is: Your reasoning doesn’t matter. Even if you have one they don’t want to hear it. My teacher is highly aware of herself and says she does that to first simulate how strict things are on the field, and secondly to ensure our memory takes in the moment. Last year I managed to keep that in mind and not let myself get intimidated.

Right now I realize I am intimidated. I have let the yelling get to me deeply, taken it personally and into heart fully and felt my resolve fracturing in growing speed. That makes me doubt things I should know for sure in the fear of getting yelled at again.

So I’ve come up with a plan for myself what to do and it requiers a few bullet points.

What can’t I help

  • Yelling as a result of a misstep
  • The teacher’s nature

What can I help

  • How much I take in the emotion
  • My focus
  • My actvity
  • How brave I am to ask questions about my uncertainties no matter how absurd they are

Writing that last point, I now realize that was the key to my success. I was not afraid to ask anything. So plan from now on:

  • Be in constant vicinity of the teacher when possible to not miss information.
  • Ask ALL the uncertainties no matter how stupid they are!
  • Read my study materials.

So! That’s the game plan for now! And a moral that I’ve learned from this, sometimes people do not care if you’re right or wrong and you just have to move past it.

Until next time!


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